Clever Plan - Clean (29-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Clever Plan A regular walks into a bar, looking blue. The bartender starts setting him up his usual, and our man, Dave, says, "No, no - just a glass of milk." Taken aback, the bartender asks what the hell has gotten into him? Dave responds, "Well, my wife told me that if she catches me coming home late and drunk after I've thrown up on myself one more time, she'll divorce me! And this time she means it. I'm blue..." "Hey, no problem!" the bartender says as he starts setting Dave up again. "Do you have any big bills on you?" "Well, sure," says Dave. "I just got paid." "Okay," says the bartender, "drink all you want and rolf like you usually do, and when you get home and she bitches, show her a $50 bill and tell her someone threw up on YOU, then offered to pay for the shirt!" What a great idea, Dave thinks, and starts knocking them back. Later that night, when Dave gets home late, drunk, and having thrown up on h! imself, his wife meets him at the door, screaming: "Damn it, Dave - I've told you! That's it!" "Wait! Wait! It's not me! Some drunk threw up on ME and gave me this $50 bill to pay for my shirt!" She yanks the money out of his hand. "Dave, this is a $100 bill." "Well," Dave replies, "that same drunk shit my pants as well." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Food - Medium (27-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Food A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast-bacon, eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? An Aitken's buttery? Grapefruit with ginger and coffee to follow? He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says. "It has really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, she asks if he would like something-a bowl of homemade soup, maybe, with (mmmm) a cheese sandwich? Perhaps a plate of snacks and a glass of milk? He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says. "It has really taken the edge off my appetite." Come tea time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She offers to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. Maybe a red pudding or a steak pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved? Or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes? He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "would you mind getting off me? I'm starving!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Illusions - Clean (25-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Illusions An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," replied the artist. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Kiss the Head Of Krustchov - Mature (22-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Kiss the Head Of Krustchov There is a man in a hospital that thinks he will die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. "Nurse," he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Krustchov." (you know a President of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head). "Nikita Krustchov? But he is dead for a long time," says the nurse. "I don't care. I want to kiss his head," the man says. "This is my last wish!" The nurse doesn't know what to do. Then she thinks of something. As the man did not wear his glasses, the nurse takes out of her bra her beautiful breast and offers it to the man. He holds it, caresses it, and is very moved. "Oh my dear Nikita, my old friend! How happy I am to see you again!" he says. He keeps kissing the breast. The begins enjoying the whole situation. "What about kissing president Eisenhower's head?" she asks. "Yes! Is he here too?" the man asks. "Of cours! e he is here," she says, and offers him her other breast. "Oh my dear president, how happy I am to see you here," says the man kissing Eisenhower again and again. The nurse likes all than very much, so she asks the man again, "What about Fidel Castro?" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Smart Boy - Medium (20-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Smart Boy Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire." The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?" The boy says, "Catch some chickens." The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape." The old man says, "What you gonna ! do with that?" The boy says back, "Catch me some ducks." The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. The old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy says, "It's a pussy willow." The old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

All Blue - Medium (18-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here All Blue "I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed. "Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!" "You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed. Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too." Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea. "Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blu! e." After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it. "You want to die?" asks the doctor. "But...how do I pee?" "We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again. He is very angry. "Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!" "What?" "Can you tell me what the hell is happening??" The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Dictate - Medium (15-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Dictate Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asked Darla, "How do you spell 'dumb'?" Darla said, "D-u-m-b, dumb." The teacher said, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." The girl said, "Buckwheat is dumb." Now spell "stupid." Darla said, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid." The teacher said, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." Darla said, "Buckwheat is stupid." Then the teacher called on Buckwheat and said, "Buckwheat, spell 'dictate.'" Buckwheat stood up and said, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher replied, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." "I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Still up in bed - Mature (13-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Still up in bed A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?" The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Uncle Festus - Clean (11-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Uncle Festus Henry's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, they were required to sleep together. When Uncle Festus came into the bedroom, he saw Henry kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Henry looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Festus. "Ma's gonna be mad", said Henry, "The pot's on this side." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Irritation, Aggravation and Frustration - Clean (08-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Irritation, Aggravation and Frustration A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?" "No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the phone. His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says. He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. "No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says. His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation." "Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time. "Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually. BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Depression - Medium (06-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Depression Lori, the pert and pretty nurse, took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It has gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your willpower and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Telling Lies - Medium (04-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Telling Lies The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Air Conditon - Clean (01-07-2010)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Air Conditon A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked that it be turned down because he was too hot, and so it went for about a half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient. He walked back and forth and never once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked the waiter why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.