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Two Rabbits There were these two rabbits, Barry and Fred. They were being tested in a laboratory and after a few losses of hair and half of their teeth missing they decide to try and escape. They make this great plan and the next thing they knew, they were out in the counrtyside smelling the grass and generaly having a good time. After a bit Barry gets in a bit of a mood. "Why are you in such a mood" says Fred. Barry in a sulky mood says "Well you know that laboratory we were at, well I'm starting to miss that place" Fred in disbelief says "What, are you mad. That place is a dump. I've got more injection holes on my body than pores!" "Yeah I know " says Barry "But I'm killing for a fag." Thanks to: Dan Gregory BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 30, 2010
Two Rabbits - Medium (30-12-2010)
Dec 28, 2010
Girl on the Beach - Mature (28-12-2010)
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Girl on the Beach One day a man was walking on the beach and saw a girl with no arms or legs crying. The man went up to the girl and asked why she was crying. The girl said, "i'm 21 and I have no arms or legs and i've never been kissed." The man bent down and gave her the most softest, gentelist kiss and then he started to walk away. Then he heard the girl crying again. He went back and asked, "Why are you crying now?" The girl said, "I have no arms or legs, I'm 21 and I've never been screwed." The man bends down, picks up the girl and throws her into the ocean. Then the man said, "You've been screwed now baby." Thanks to: Emma Perkins BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 26, 2010
Two Blondes Walking in the Forest - Clean (26-12-2010)
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Two Blondes Walking in the Forest Two blondes are walking in the forest when they come across marks in the ground. One says to another, 'Oh, look at the deer tracks!' 'Those aren't deer trucks, you dumb blonde!' says the other. 'They're bear prints.' 'Deer tracks, you dumb blonde!' 'Bear prints, you dumb blonde!' Next day's headlines : Two blondes killed by train in forest. Thanks to: Riana BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 23, 2010
B or D - Medium (23-12-2010)
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B or D A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?" "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish." "Great, can I try it?" "Sure." First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie." The guy says, "I want a million bucks!" "Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door. "I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 21, 2010
Welcome Aboard - Clean (21-12-2010)
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Welcome Aboard "This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 19, 2010
Star Player - Clean (19-12-2010)
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Star Player A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right. Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 16, 2010
A Hamster and a Bullfrog - Clean (16-12-2010)
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A Hamster and a Bullfrog A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?" "We'll see," says the bartender. So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more." "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River." A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog." "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune." "Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 15, 2010
A Hamster and a Bullfrog - Clean (15-12-2010)
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A Hamster and a Bullfrog A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?" "We'll see," says the bartender. So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more." "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River." A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog." "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune." "Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form | ||||
Dec 14, 2010
English Teacher - Mature (14-12-2010)
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Dec 9, 2010
Woman - Medium (09-12-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Woman Workplace Hazardous materials Information System Substance: Women Chemical system: Wow Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90 to 200 lbs. Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm 2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced. 3. Boils at nothing. 4. Freezes without reason. 5. Melts with special reason. 6. Flavour initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly. 7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore. 8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points. 9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age. 10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive substances. 3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood. 4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation. 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known. COMMON USES 1. Highly ornamental. 2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned. SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION 1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state. 2. Turns green when compared to better specimens. HAZZARDS 1. May explode spontaneously without cause. 2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time. 3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Dec 7, 2010
White Mustache - Mature (07-12-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here White Mustache A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk." The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk." The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled "Not Milk." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Dec 5, 2010
How Much do You Loose - Mature (05-12-2010)
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Dec 2, 2010
If Women Ruled the World - Medium (02-12-2010)
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Nov 30, 2010
Professor - Clean (30-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Professor A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the genie says to the professor. The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 28, 2010
Four Fathers - Clean (28-11-2010)
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Nov 25, 2010
Translation troubles - Clean (25-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Translation troubles A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 23, 2010
Horrible Deaths - Medium (23-11-2010)
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Nov 21, 2010
Making money - Clean (21-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Making money Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." Little Johnny says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 18, 2010
McGregor - Mature (18-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here McGregor This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey. "Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..." He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No." "But ye f.ck ONE sheep...." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 16, 2010
The Parrot - Medium (16-11-2010)
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Nov 14, 2010
Like a Black Man - Medium (14-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Like a Black Man A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her. He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million. This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting. Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around. In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well. He asks the leprechaun what is going on. "Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me." "Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?" "The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million." "And them out there?" asks the guy, "You said you wanted to be hung like a black man." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 11, 2010
Children\'s Words - Clean (11-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Children\'s Words A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed inbetween the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment, he claimed: "I think it's Adam's suit!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 9, 2010
St Patrick - Clean (09-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here St Patrick Bud Nelson, from New York, flew to Knock Airport in the west of Ireland on Business. As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with a assortment of Human Skulls. "What are you doing?" asked the American. "Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman. "And what skulls do you have?" said Bud. "Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!" said the Irishman. "That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!" "Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland...God bless his soul.." "Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?" "That's correct!" said the Ir! ishman. "I have to have that!" said Bud and paid him $1,650.00 in cash. Bud flew back to New York and mounted his Skull on the wall in his Pub. People came from all over America to view this famous Skull. He made a fortune over a five year period and retired a very rich man. During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the land that made him a fortune. Bud flew back into Knock airport, and while walking down the stairs saw the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs. "Goodness", said Bud, "What are you doing?" "Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman. "And what skulls do you have today?" said Bud. "Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!" said the Irishman. "That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!" "Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright! , that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael! Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland...God bless his soul.." "Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?" "That's Correct!" said the Irishman. "Well!", said Bud, I was here almost 7 years ago and you sold me a Skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then that the skull was St. Patrick." "Oh yes!" said the Irishman, "I remember you now!...you see... This is St. Patrick when he was a Boy!!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 7, 2010
In Love with the Horse - Medium (07-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here In Love with the Horse "I'm in love with my horse," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist. "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to." "But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my horse." "Hmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?" "Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, queer?" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 4, 2010
Stone the Prostitute - Medium (04-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Stone the Prostitute In the town square a nasty crowd had gathered, intending to stone to death a prostitute. From the crowd, Jesus strides forward, holds up his arms and yells "Let ye without sin cast the first stone!" The crowd is contrite, for none amongst them can honestly say they are without sin. Then a little old, withered up woman comes hobbling up, picks up a good size rock and beans the prostitute right between the eyes. Jesus just stands there with his hands on his hips and says, "Sometimes, Mother, you really piss me off!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Nov 2, 2010
Are You Gay? - Medium (02-11-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Are You Gay? A man dies and due to his evil and sinful life, goes to hell. The devil himself meets him at the gates of hell and tells him, "I don't know what all you've heard up there, but hell isn't all that bad a place. Let me ask you, do you like to smoke?" The man answers, "Yes, I do" "Oh, good then," the devil says, "You'll LOVE Mondays. Every Monday we all sit around and smoke cigarettes, cigars, pipes, try out new types of tobacco. Do you like to drink?" The man answers, "Yeah, sure, I like to drink." The devil says, "Good, you'll love Tuesdays, then. All we do on Tuesdays is sit around and drink beer, wine, and all kinds of different mixed drinks." "You'll just love Tuesdays. Do you like to swear?" "Sure," says the man, "I swear a lot." "Great then. You'll love Wednesdays." The devil says, "On Wednesdays, all we do is sit around and swear a lot, we try to make up new cuss words, and h! ave a great time, you'll just love Wednesdays." "Oh, by the way," asks the devil, "Are you gay?" "Hell no," the man replies, "I hate fags!" The devil look at him, and says, "Then you're gonna hate Thursdays." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 31, 2010
Fisherman - Clean (31-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Fisherman Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 28, 2010
Men Only - Medium (28-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Men Only A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but he manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island. Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful, and says, "My God, you saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford! Days and weeks go by. Cindy and the man are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heav! en. Cindy's fallen madly in love with him, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. One day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together. I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?" He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind putting on my shirt?" "Sure," she says, "If it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on. "Now would you put on my pants?" he asks. "Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up! half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up ! to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 26, 2010
Hitch-Hiker - Mature (26-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Hitch-Hiker There's a hitch-hiker waiting for a ride, and then a semi comes along, and the driver decides to pick him up. So after a couple of minutes of silence, the truck driver asks, "Hey, wanna see a trick?" "Sure," replies the hitch-hiker. So the driver calls up a monkey from the back, smacks it, and it gives him a blowjob. "Hey, you want some of this action?" asks the driver, and the hitch-hiker replies, "Sure, just don't smack me so hard." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 24, 2010
Get the Job Done - Clean (24-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Get the Job Done The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 21, 2010
Impossible - Medium (21-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Impossible After marrying a sweet young woman, a 90-year-old geezer told his doctor that they were expecting a baby. "Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot." "Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed. "Somebody else must have shot that bear." "Exactly," replied the doctor. BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 19, 2010
100th Birthday - Clean (19-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here 100th Birthday Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
Oct 17, 2010
Ode To a Mammogram - Medium (17-10-2010)
| Visit The-Jokes.com Follow us on TWITTER! You can now follow us on TWITTER with the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Just open a Twitter.com account (if you don't have one) and follow us to receive our updates! Click Here Ode To a Mammogram For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts, Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests. So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra. After 30 years of astute care, My Doctor found a lump. She ordered up a mammogram, To look inside that bump. "Stand up very close," she said, As she got my boob in line. "And, tell me when it hurts," she said. "Ah yes! There, that's fine." She stepped upon a peddle. I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate pressed down and down, My boob was in a vice! My skin was stretched and stretched, From way up under my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish pancake thin. Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's vice-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My ! poor defenseless tits! "Take a deep breath," she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting. "There, that was good," I heard her say As the room was slowly swaying. "Now let's have a go at the other one." "Lord have mercy," I was praying. It squeezed me from up and down, It squeezed me from both sides, I'll bet she's never had this done, Not to her tender little hide! If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have popped, Ker-pow! This machine was designed by man, Of this I have no doubt, I'd like to stick his balls in there. And see how they come out! BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form |
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