A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."
Nov 25, 2009
Bad Seeing-Eye Dog
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
Jeff Dunham: Becoming a Wal-Mart Greeter
Walter: I could get a real job.
Jeff Dunham: What would you do?
Walter: I want to be a greeter at Wal-mart.
Jeff Dunham: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your opening line?
Walter: 'Welcome to Wal-mart. Get your s**t and get out. Have a nice day'.
Jeff Dunham: What would you do?
Walter: I want to be a greeter at Wal-mart.
Jeff Dunham: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your opening line?
Walter: 'Welcome to Wal-mart. Get your s**t and get out. Have a nice day'.
The Baptism
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes,Preacher. I sure am."The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked."No, I didn't!" said the drunk.The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?""No, I did not Reverend."The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have you found Jesus yet?"The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher..."Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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