Penguins Go to the Zoo

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

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Work Blows

What's the difference between a wife and a job?

After ten years the job still sucks!

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Dear

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"A little girl raised her hand."Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?""It's a cow, teacher.""Very good, Janie," said the teacher.Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer."I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"

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Blonde's Appendicitis

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help." Free Jokes and Humors!!

 

 

The Penguin

A penguin was driving his car down the highway when steam began to pour out of the hood. He pulled into a repair shop and asked the mechanic to fix his car. The man said to come back in half an hour. So while he waited the penguin went across the street to the bar, and ordered a glass of milk. Since penguins don't have hands to hold glasses, he spilled some milk on his beak. When he returned to the mechanic, he asked what was wrong with his car. The mechanic said it looked like he blew a seal

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Cars

One day little Johny was playing in the mud. When his father came home Johny asked him if he could take a shower with him. "Sure", said his father. When they were in the shower Johny asked his father "What's that?" His father said that it was his Chevrolet. Little johny asked "what's mine then?" His father said that his was his toyota. Johny did the same with his mother. She told him that her pussy was her garage. That night a thunderstorm came through. Johny got scared and asked if he could sleep with his parents. They said yes and Johny jumped in bed. Johny's father said "Move over son, I'm gonna put my Chevrolet in your mothers garage." Little Johny said "Sorry dad, but I already have my toyota in there."

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Spitfire

 

What's black and white, black and brown, and black and black?

A nun roasting on a spit.

 

The Mexican Firefighter

Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? A. Hose A and Hose B Free Jokes and Humors!!

 

 

Chemistry Set

A father came home and asked where his son was. His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father was curious, so he wandered downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he heard a banging sound. When he got to the bottom he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall. He aid to his son, "What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"

His son replied, "This isn't a nail, Dad, it's a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became as hard as a rock."

His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what, Son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagen."

His son quite naturally said, "Sure why not."

The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his ! Volkswagen was. His dad replied, "It's right there behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is from your mother."

 

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