Let\'s Get Married - Medium (30-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Let\'s Get Married A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Display of outstanding courage - Clean (28-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Display of outstanding courage Eleazer Bokar appeared at the gates of Heaven and knocked for admittance. The great doors slowly swung open and the patriach Abraham stepped out, blowing his golden trumpet. When he had finished the welcoming concerto, he turned to Eleazer and said, "Greetings, blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh. God awaits you." Recovering from the awesome splendor of this type of welcome, Eleazer quickly replied, "Father Abraham, I am ready to meet our God," and stepped forward to enter the celestial portals. "Wait, my brother," said Abraham, halting Eleazer with an imperiously, upraised palm. "Before entering God's Kingdom, you must first prove that you are worthy of the honor." "But how can I prove my worthiness," queried Eleazer. "You must show that, at least once in your mortal life, you displayed outstanding courage. Can you recall one unquestionably brave deed?" Eleazer's face brightened as he said, "Yes I can! I remember! going to the Roman Consul's palace where I met him face to face. He was surrounded by dozens of legionnaires, all of whom were armed. Ignoring this fact, I told him that he was a camel's behind, that he was a vulture who fed upon the bones of Jerusalem's oppressed, and that he was a persecutor of humble Jews. I then spat in his face." "Well," exclaimed Abraham, "I am impressed. I must agree that that was an extremely brave feat to perform - considering the armed guards and the Roman Consul's hatred of Jews. Yes, my brother, you have certainly earned admittance into Paradise, but please tell me, when did all this happen?" "Oh," replied Eleazer casually, "right before you welcomed me." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Made In - Clean (25-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Made In Alarm clocks rings for 6AM (MADE IN JAPAN). While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE), turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in...AMERICA! BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Ball squeezer - Mature (23-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Ball squeezer Two drunks went into a bar and had a few beers. One got up and went into the bathroom while the other remained at the bar talking to the bartender. All of a sudden there was a loud scream coming from the bathroom. The drunk at the bar said to the bartender that it sounded like his partner screaming, so he went into the bathroom to investigate. He went inside and asked his friend what the problem was. His friend said that everytime he flushed the toilet something reached up and squeezed his balls. His friend shook his head and said, "You dumbass, you're sitting on the mop bucket!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Saying I Love You - Medium (21-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Saying I Love You HOW TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES: English . . . . . . . . . .I Love You Spanish . . . . . . .. . Te Amo French . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime German . . . . . . . . . .lch Liebe Dich Japanese . . . . . . .. .Ai Shite Imasu Italian . . . . . . . . . .. Ti Amo Chinese . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni Swedish . . . . . . . . . .Jag Alskar Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky: ... Nice Tits! BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Two dwarfs - Medium (18-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Two dwarfs Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?". The first whispers back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection". The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Crunchy bird - Clean (16-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Crunchy bird "Hey, bartender," says a customer, sitting at the bar. "What kind of bird is that sitting on the perch?" "Oh," says Bob the bartender, "that's a Crunchy Bird!" "I never heard of a Crunchy Bird," says the patron. "Just watch," says Bob. He takes a newspaper off the bar and throws it down on the floor, then he turns to the bird and says, "Crunchy Bird, my paper!" The bird swoops down and attacks the newspaper. He rips it to shreds until there's nothing left but tiny pieces of confetti. "Wow," says the customer, "can I try?" "Be my guest," the bartender replies. The customer takes off his shoe and puts it on the bar and says, "Crunchy Bird, my shoe!" The bird flies down off the perch and picks the shoe up with his beak. He slams the shoe down on the bar and starts attacking it. In no time, the shoe is reduced to nothing but a few pieces of leather and a shoelace. Then the bird flies back to his perch behind! the bar. Suddenly a tough looking guy walks into the bar. He yells, "Gimme a drink NOW!" He looks around the bar snarling and yells at the patrons, "What the Hell are you clowns looking at?" The bar is completely silent. Then the bully notices the bird and says, "What the Hell kind of stupid looking bird is that?" "That's a Crunchy Bird," says bartender Bob. The tough guy laughs and yells, "Crunchy Bird, my eye!" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

New Drugs For Men - Medium (14-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com New Drugs For Men With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society. DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions. PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one. CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little accidents. COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing. BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a ! sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit. NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents. NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members. CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture. PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors. LIAGRA - This drug causes men! to be less than truthful when they are asked about their sexu! al affai rs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions. BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Free drinks and more - Medium (11-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Free drinks and more A Polak, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Polak said "That sounds fine but if we go to Kowalski's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Polak replied, "but my wife goes there all the time." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Plus Sign - Clean (09-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Plus Sign Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great ! trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head "No". "Well then", she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?". Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around. BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Word fun - Medium (07-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Word fun Little Johnny's teacher had a new game for the children. She would pick a word and have the children make a sentence out of it. She had to be careful because she knew that Lil' Johnny would try and turn this into something dirty, as he had done so many times before. She chose the word "fascinate". Knowing that Johnny could not possibly mess this one up, she called on him first. Johnny said, "My sister went to the mall and bought a blouse. It had 10 buttons up the front, but her boobs were so big she could only fasten eight." After all the kids had answered one, it was Johnny's turn again. This time the word was "urinate". The teacher was sure this one would stump Johnny. Johnny said, "You're-an-eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten." BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

Stopped By The Police - Clean (04-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com Stopped By The Police A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the interstate at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer. BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.

IQ professions - Clean (02-08-2011)

Daily Joke Visit The-Jokes.com IQ professions Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others", he is told by the doorman. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!" "Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!" "Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss physics!" "And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That's Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shak! e it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?" BABE AND HUNK OF THE DAY Daily Babe: Click Here Daily Hunk: Click Here Please help pass on the laughs - forward this email to your friends and co-workers. TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BULLETIN: Click Here For comments or suggestions, please use our Contact Form The-Jokes.com © 2001-2009. All rights reserved.