How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
Nov 17, 2009
A Scotch Expert
A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year old scotch. As the bartender was busy, he decided to serve the guy whatever he had under his hand.
The fellow took a sip, spat it out, and told the bartender, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a three year-old one."
When the bartender heard that, he checked the bottle and was amazed that the fellow was right -- he had served him a three-year old scotch. The bartender wanted to see how good the fellow was, so he served him another scotch, this one a six-year old.
The guy had a sip and spat it out, complaining, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a six-year old one."
The bartender was surprised by how good this fellow was. So the barman decided to play one more little game. He served the customer a nine-year-old scotch instead of a twelve-year old one as requested.
The fellow had a sip and spat it out, stating, "I think I asked for a twelve-year old sc! otch and not a nine-year old one."
The bartender was very impressed and finally served him the demanded twelve-year-old scotch.
The customer took a sip and added, "This is what I asked in the first place."
At the end of the counter sat a man who had witnessed this scene. He sent a tumbler to the scotch expert and asked him to have a sip.
The fellow did so and spat it out and said, "Good Lord, that's piss."
The other man added, "Now tell me how old I am."
The fellow took a sip, spat it out, and told the bartender, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a three year-old one."
When the bartender heard that, he checked the bottle and was amazed that the fellow was right -- he had served him a three-year old scotch. The bartender wanted to see how good the fellow was, so he served him another scotch, this one a six-year old.
The guy had a sip and spat it out, complaining, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a six-year old one."
The bartender was surprised by how good this fellow was. So the barman decided to play one more little game. He served the customer a nine-year-old scotch instead of a twelve-year old one as requested.
The fellow had a sip and spat it out, stating, "I think I asked for a twelve-year old sc! otch and not a nine-year old one."
The bartender was very impressed and finally served him the demanded twelve-year-old scotch.
The customer took a sip and added, "This is what I asked in the first place."
At the end of the counter sat a man who had witnessed this scene. He sent a tumbler to the scotch expert and asked him to have a sip.
The fellow did so and spat it out and said, "Good Lord, that's piss."
The other man added, "Now tell me how old I am."
Victorian Ladies
How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb?
One hundred.
One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.
Bellboy
Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."
Nymphomaniac
Jon was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know that she was darn near a nymphomaniac.After six times having sex, she was screaming for more. After the eighth time, Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.On the way out, he stopped into the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped his pants, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find "it."After a couple of minutes fishing around, he finally said, "Look, it's okay. She's not here!"
New Version of Playboy
Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy?
A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....
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